


Surrender

by whoallsgayhere



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Consent is Sexy, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Relationship Status: It's Complicated, bottom!Eddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:14:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoallsgayhere/pseuds/whoallsgayhere
Summary: Eddie’s always in control and that suits him just fine, but sometimes Buck has to remind him that there’s power in letting go.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 277





	Surrender

Eddie has never been good at talking about his feelings. Big stuff, little stuff, doesn’t matter – emotional vulnerability is not his strong suit. Growing up, he internalized the importance of being strong. _Diaz men are strong for their families_. Being strong meant prioritizing the needs of others over his own, making sacrifices to be a good provider and father. That’s why he joined the Army when Shannon got pregnant – it was his job to take care of them. Even if he hated being a soldier. Even if the horrors of combat haunted his dreams and prevented him from sleeping. Even if the stress of his deployments frayed the edges of their relationship and kept him from being there for the beginning of Christopher’s childhood. _Diaz men are strong for their families_.

He may have been used to keeping everyone at an arm’s distance, but if there were anyone he might try letting in these days, it was Buck. Their friendship had grown into something more over the past couple months, and Eddie was cautiously enjoying himself. Sure, they had a great time hanging out together and the sex was great, but Eddie was still gun-shy about deepening their emotional relationship. Opening himself up to Buck meant opening himself up to getting hurt again. Between his ongoing struggles with PTSD from his time in the Army and dealing with his anger over Shannon’s death, Eddie didn’t know just how much of his baggage Buck was willing to take on.

From the beginning of their relationship, Eddie knew his strength was one of the things that attracted Buck to him. Not just physically – but hey, the eight-pack certainly didn’t hurt – but mentally, emotionally. The way he stayed calm under pressure during particularly stressful calls, or the way he always made Christopher a priority and carved out time to spend with his son, even after working a nightmare of a shift. Always strong, always in control. Juxtaposed against Buck’s spontaneous, and occasionally reckless, approach to things, Eddie knew his strength and control were grounding for Buck. He may not have said it directly, but Eddie knew Buck felt safe around him and took comfort in Eddie’s ability to keep things under control. Even with the street fighting (though not the best showing of Eddie’s self-control), Buck gave him credit for knowing when to tap out before he killed anyone or got himself seriously injured.

Eddie’s sense of control, and Buck’s appreciation for it, extended into their sex life as well. Always naturally dominant, Eddie had no problem feeding into Buck’s desire to be praised in bed. Eddie enjoyed taking care of Buck in that way and relished the knowledge that Buck felt safe enough with him to let go. He may not have had much experience with men, but Eddie was a quick study. He learned what made Buck moan, what made him cry out and beg for more. He knew how to keep control and hold space for Buck to come completely undone.

****

“Oh fuck, yes!” Buck cries out as he pumps his release over his stomach, clenching around Eddie as he rides out his orgasm. Eddie manages a few more thrusts before he follows suit, emptying himself into Buck.

After discarding the used condom, Eddie rolls over next to Buck and lies back to catch his breath.

“God, I love having afternoons off,” Buck says as he stretches lazily. He flops back down onto the bed, drawing a smile from Eddie.

“I’m going to go clean up, and then see what you’ve got in the fridge. I’m starving.” Eddie pushes up off the bed and heads into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Buck gazes up at the ceiling as he listens to the sound of his shower running and Eddie rummaging around in his bathroom to find what he needs. Even though it’s only been a couple months, Buck loves what he and Eddie have together. Sure, it’s not well defined and Eddie isn’t exactly forthcoming with how he feels for Buck, but whatever it is, he’s enjoying it. He loves how open he can be with Eddie about his desires and how he likes to be touched. Buck’s sexual history is long and varied – Eddie isn’t the first guy he’s been with by a long shot – but there’s something about how safe and secure he feels when they’re together that makes it special. Buck knows he’s safe with Eddie, which makes everything they do in bed together even sexier. He knows he can moan as loud as he wants (provided they have the place to themselves), beg desperately to be fucked through the mattress and Eddie will be there, without judgement, to take care of him.

As good as the sex is for him, Buck hopes Eddie feels the same way. Sure, he always gets off and seems to enjoy himself, but is he getting what he really wants out of it? Buck thinks back to when they first started sleeping together. He knows Eddie is newer to sex with men, but he never doubted Eddie’s attraction or interest in sleeping with him. They had a few conversations when they first started having sex (mostly around logistics and safer sex practices) but Eddie never really volunteered much beyond that. Buck knows himself pretty well and isn’t afraid to ask for what he wants – like being told how _good_ he is while begging to be fucked so hard he can’t see straight – but now, come to think of it, has Eddie ever shared something like that?

Buck’s train of thought is cut off by the sound of the bathroom door opening. Eddie exits in a towel and reaches into his bag for a clean pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt to pull on. 

“You coming?” Eddie asks as he heads out of the bedroom towards the kitchen.

Buck grabs his pants from earlier off the floor and pulls them on before following Eddie to find something to eat. Eddie grabs a couple beers out of the fridge while Buck roots around in his pantry until he finds some of those ghost pepper potato chips Eddie likes from Trader Joe’s and sets them out on the counter.

They wander into the living room with their snack and sit down on the couch. As Eddie takes a sip of his beer, Buck can’t help but ask the question that’s on his mind.

“So, are you enjoying what we’re doing together? Because I am, but I just want to make sure you are too.”

Eddie cocks an eyebrow at Buck. “Um, yeah? Of course I am. Wouldn’t keep coming back to fuck you if I didn’t enjoy it,” he says with a chuckle.

Not quite satisfied, Buck continues. “No, I know, for sure…but, is there anything else you want to try? Like, anything in particular you want in bed? I just want to make sure I’m being as good a partner to you as you are to me.”

Eddie pauses for a moment to consider Buck’s question, to consider what he’s offering. There are some things he’s wondered about, things he might like to try, but –

“Nope,” Eddie shakes his head to clear away the thoughts. His job is to be in control. Whether Buck admits it or not, Eddie knows that’s his appeal. He’s strong and in control, and that’s why Buck likes sleeping with him. Buck wants someone who can take him apart and put him back together again, and Eddie knows just how to do that. Buck wouldn’t want someone who needs to be taken care of. Would he?

Reading the inner turmoil visible on Eddie’s face, Buck scoots closer to Eddie on the couch and puts a hand on Eddie’s knee.

“Hey, I know we haven’t really talked about _this_ ,” Buck motions to the space in between them, “but this isn’t just some casual arrangement to me. You’re still my best friend, and I care about you.” _A lot._ Buck knows better than to admit out loud just how much being with Eddie means to him. If this is all Eddie can give him, friendship and sex, then he’s not going to jeopardize that by bringing his feelings into it.

“I care that you’re getting as much out of our time together as I am,” Buck continues. “I fucking love how open I can be with you, that you don’t judge me for the things I like and how willing you are to give me what I want in bed. I just want to make sure you know that I’m here to do the same for you.”

Eddie sees the sincerity in Buck’s expression and sighs, considering his next words carefully. “I – it’s not that I don’t enjoy what we’re doing, really I do, but –”

“Yes?” Buck says encouragingly, leaning closer to hear what Eddie’s saying.

Eddie takes a breath, steeling himself before muttering quietly, “I don’t always wanna be in control.”

Buck has to strain to hear Eddie’s admission, but when he does he leans in and lays his head on Eddie’s shoulder. With a kiss to Eddie’s neck that makes him shudder, Buck replies softly, “that’s okay. You don’t always have to be in control.” Buck pauses for a moment to stroke a finger across Eddie’s face, gently urging Eddie to look at him. Reluctantly, Eddie raises his gaze to meet Buck’s warm blue eyes.

“What does that look like to you, not being in control?” Buck asks, keeping his voice soft as his fingers continue to play across Eddie’s cheek and down to his neck, looking to relieve some of the tension he feels beneath his fingertips. “What can I do to take care of you?” 

Eddie lets out a rough sigh, pulling back from Buck and raking a hand through his hair. “Why would you want to do that? We both know that you want someone who’s in control. Who gives you want you want, who takes care of _you_. Why would – ” 

Buck cuts him off mid-sentence, pressing a kiss to his lips. Eddie freezes for a moment, before returning the kiss, moaning softly. Belatedly, Buck realizes he’s never going to be able to keep his feelings under wraps if Eddie keeps kissing him like this. _Fuck it._

Pulling back from the kiss but keeping a hand on Eddie’s neck, Buck sucks in a breath to steady his nerves. “Eddie, I don’t just want someone to give me what I want in bed. I want _you._ However I can have you. Even if this is just about the sex to you, it’s more than that to me. I don’t just want to be your best friend; I want to be the person you can trust. I want to be with you. I want _you_.”

Eddie’s pulse races as he absorbs Buck’s declaration. After months of silently hoping Buck could one day see him as more than a friend and weeks of trying (and failing) to keep himself at a safe emotional distance once they started having sex, Buck’s words wash over Eddie like a wave of relief. He captures Buck’s lips again, more confidently this time.

Breaking the kiss with a smile, Eddie gazes shyly at Buck. “You have me. However you want me. I’m yours.”

Buck lets out a choked sound, between a gasp and a laugh, as he pulls Eddie in close. “God, I’ve wanted this.” Buck kisses his way down Eddie’s neck, relishing the small sounds Eddie makes as he sucks a love bite into his skin.

Buck leans back up to lock his gaze onto Eddie. “What does it look like to you, not being in control?” Buck repeats, pitching his voice low. “What can I do to take care of you?”

Eddie flushes at the direct question, his previous attempt at redirecting Buck no longer a viable option. He tries to look away, avert his eyes from Buck’s inquisitive gaze, but Buck gently grasps his chin holding him in place.

“It’s okay, baby,” Buck murmurs. “You’re safe with me. Tell me how you want me to take care of you.” Eddie can’t help but moan at the promise in Buck’s words. It’s been _so long_ since anyone had offered him anything like this. For years, it’s always been about taking care of others, putting their needs above his own. Even at the height of their marriage, Shannon wasn’t great about talking about sex and Eddie didn’t want to push her. Now, sitting here with this beautiful man asking to take care of him, Eddie is lost. He wants nothing more than to put himself in Buck’s capable hands and let go.

Dipping his head to press a kiss into the palm of Buck’s hand, Eddie locks eyes with Buck and whispers, “I want you to fuck me.”

Taking in Eddie’s request, Buck’s eyes darken with lust as he frames Eddie’s face with both hands and kisses him deeply. As their tongues tangle together, Buck straddles Eddie and nudges him until he’s leaning back into the couch cushions. Buck pulls back for a moment to study Eddie’s face, flushed with passion, his lips red and kiss swollen. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Buck breathes, running his thumb over Eddie’s bottom lip. “I’m going to take such good care of you.”

Eddie moans at the compliment and draws Buck’s thumb into his mouth, savoring the look on Buck’s face as he sucks. “Oh fuck,” Buck groans. “You and that sweet little mouth of yours are going to be the death of me.” A frisson of excitement runs though Eddie as he takes in Buck’s reaction. Emboldened by how turned on Buck is, Eddie grinds his hips up into Buck and grins at the moan that draws out of him. Regaining his breath, Buck rolls off of the couch and holds out his hand to draw Eddie to his feet and lead him back to the bedroom. 

Lying on the bed, Buck pulls Eddie down with him and pulls him into another kiss. Eddie separates their lips just long enough to pull off his shirt and roll them over until Buck is on top, pressing his weight down onto him. “I love how you feel on top of me,” Eddie breathes, running his hand over Buck’s torso. Buck captures Eddie’s hand in his, briefly pressing a kiss to the top of it before letting go and sliding down until their bodies are flush together. With one hand braced above them, Buck draws his other hand down Eddie’s body. Teasing a nipple as he goes, Buck’s hand strokes down the broad expanse of warm skin until it reaches the drawstring of Eddie’s pants. With a nod from Eddie, Buck works his hand inside to pull out Eddie’s cock, running his fingers over the slit.

With a gasp, Eddie thrusts up into Buck’s hand, desperate for more friction. Buck works his hand over the shaft, pumping him hard and fast until Eddie’s moaning for him and spreading his legs in invitation. Reaching over to the bedside table, Buck grabs the lube and squeezes a generous amount into his hand. Repositioning himself between Eddie’s thighs, he drags a lubed-up finger over Eddie’s ass, making him cry out.

Sucking in a breath to steady himself, Buck pauses his ministrations to lock eyes with Eddie. “We’re going to go slow, okay? I may be on top, but you’re the boss here. We go at your pace. If you want to stop, we stop, okay?” Eddie nods.

Lying back down next to Eddie, Buck captures his lips in a kiss. Eddie moans into Buck’s mouth, breaking the kiss long enough to say, “I’m ready.”

Buck returns his slick finger to Eddie’s entrance, slowly rubbing circles around the rim before pressing in. Eddie grunts at the intrusion, and Buck stills his hand to let Eddie adjust. When Eddie nods again, Buck works in a second finger slowly moving them together until he finds –

“Oh fuck,” Eddie wails, pushing back onto Buck’s fingers. “Fuck, do that again.”

With a smile Buck obliges, working his fingers against Eddie’s prostate while peppering his neck with kisses. “God, you’re so beautiful like this,” he breathes against Eddie’s skin.

“C’mon Buck, please,” Eddie whines high in this throat. Pressing one more kiss to Eddie’s neck, Buck draws himself up onto his knees and gently moves down to the edge of the bed, keeping his fingers inside. At Eddie’s encouragement, Buck applies some more lube and works in a third finger. Eddie hisses at the deeper stretch and Buck strokes his thigh soothingly, stilling his fingers.

After a moment or two, Eddie nods again and motions for Buck to keep going. Buck presses a kiss to Eddie’s thigh and continues stretching him with one hand, while working his shaft with the other. Soon, the dual sensations of having his cock stroked and his prostate massaged have Eddie flying high on sensation. It’s more intense than he expected, more _intimate_ , but he loves having Buck touch him like this.

“Please,” he moans. “Please, _Evan_ , fuck me.”

Buck bites his lip, but he can’t contain the guttural moan that rips through him at sound of Eddie begging Buck to fuck him. _God, I love it when he calls me Evan._

“Do you want to try rolling over? It might be easier for you that way,” Buck says softly, reaching for a condom and rolling it on. Eddie nods, and rolls over onto his stomach, pushing up to all fours.

Draping himself over Eddie’s back, Buck positions himself at Eddie’s entrance and gently pushes inside. Eddie cries out as he’s stretched open, once again taken aback by the intensity and intimacy of having Buck _in_ him. Adjusting to the sensation, Eddie tries an experimental thrust of his hips, fully seating Buck inside him, making them both moan.

Buck starts out slowly, and before long builds up a pace that has them both panting. Reaching around to collect Eddie’s cock, Buck pumps him in time to his thrusts. His orgasm building, Eddie cries out, throwing his head back onto Buck’s shoulder.

Keeping up the pace, Buck nips Eddie’s ear and whispers, “that’s it. Look at you, so gorgeous and moaning for me. I’ve got you, baby. Let go for me.”

Eddie wails as his orgasm washes over him, wave after wave of sensation cascading over his nerve endings and lighting up his body. Clenching around Buck’s cock as he comes, Eddie draws Buck over the edge, shouting his release.

As Eddie comes down from his high, Buck gently pulls out, tying off the condom and flinging it towards the trash. Lying back down, Buck pulls Eddie towards his chest, holding him close as he catches his breath.

“Are you okay?” Buck asks softly, running his fingers through Eddie’s hair. Eddie nods, drawing his head up level with Buck’s. With a softness in his eyes, Eddie presses a kiss to Buck’s lips, and Buck can’t help but moan at the sweetness of it. 

“Thank you,” Eddie whispers against his lips.

“For what?” Buck asks, stealing another kiss. Eddie just smiles and lies back, enjoying the warmth of Buck wrapped around him. They still have a lot to talk about – he’s pretty sure they both just admitted to having feelings for each other – but there would be time for that later. Right now, Eddie just wants to enjoy this feeling of being taken care of, having someone he trusts enough to open up with and let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! My first spin in the writer’s seat went pretty well, so I thought I’d give it another go. This one is longer and more dialogue-heavy than I planned, but hey – enthusiastic and ongoing consent is sexy!


End file.
